To Live Is To Die
by gega.cai
Summary: One Shot. The machines took away his brother the first time and it was John Connor who took him away forever. Derek remembers what his brother once said and tries to figure out what his purpose is now.


**Title:** To Live Is To Die  
**Author:** gega cai  
**Pairings:** Derek Reese, Kyle Reese, John Connor  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** 1000  
**Warnings:** Language  
**Summary:** The machines took away his brother the first time and it was John Connor who took him away forever. Derek remembers what his brother once said and tries to figure out what his purpose is now.  
**Disclaimer:** Characters and other likely inventive scenarios based on the world created by James Cameron, William Wisher Jr., and Josh Friedman.

**Author's Note:** This fic was written for a fandom fest; Prompt was _Derek & Kyle, what the future holds_

-Opening scene takes place shortly after S1 E7: The Demon Hand.

-Future scene takes place shortly after Derek and Kyle have been reunited.

**To Live Is To Die**  
by gega cai

Derek Reese winced as he lifted himself to sit on a park table. The pain was sharp and if it weren't for the table, he would have fallen back. He remained still until the pain subsided and was followed by a feeling of warm tingling, which alerted him to pull back his jacket and examine his chest. The gun shot wound was still healing. It was probably a bad idea to move around so much, but Derek had waited long enough.

It was early in the afternoon on a school day and soon the park would be busy with kids and their families taking advantage of what daylight was left. Many of Derek's fondest memories were here. It was different from what he remembered, though. The park was smaller than he remembered.

The afternoon sun is so warm, Derek thought. He did not realize it at the time, but this was the first moment since before the bombs fell that his thoughts were not of Skynet, machines, or even his brother. But the moment was brief and it would be the last.

Not long after sitting, Derek saw two boys cross in front of him in an open area in the park. His breath caught in his throat and he swallowed hard at the sight of his 12 year old self and his younger brother, Kyle Reese. Seeing the two of them smiling was almost too much and Derek looked away.

_"He's hard enough on himself, Derek. I don't understand why you have to be."_

_Derek watched as his brother, Kyle, reached across a table stacked with plastique explosives to grab a rag._

_"I'm sure... He's too trusting, Kyle."_

_"You shouldn't have questioned his authority in front of those men. He isn't like the other generals..."_

_"No, I get it," Derek interrupted bitterly. "He's your great military leader. What I don't understand is why he allows _you_ to go out on the insane missions."_

_"He trusts me and I trust him. Be careful with that, Derek."_

_Derek gritted his teeth but obeyed. He loosened his grip on the pipe bomb and continued, gently this time, to wipe the end caps._

"Go long, Kyle!"

Derek watched the football arch against the trees and fall through his little brother's arms. Kyle hung his arms in defeat, but he smiled as he picked up the football. No sweat off his back, Derek thought. Not now and not then.

Maybe the pain medication or whatever it was that paramedic gave him was affecting him. Watching himself as if it were a playback made his mind race. His subconscious was still trying to get a grip on the reality of time travel. Derek began to wonder if everyone who came across time experienced the mental reconstruction. That's what Derek called it: A mental reconstruction of what the mind must have thought was impossible. His brother must have suffered the same...

The amazing, yet worst part of all of this was that it was real. Torn between bitterness and gratitude, Derek took in all that he could see, feel, and smell. It had been a very long time since Derek could remember what anything smelled like. Derek never thought of himself as philosophical or introspective, but coming through time and knowing what awaits all these people made him less selfish than he had been.

Derek continued to enjoy the afternoon as he watched people come and go in front of him. He was suppressing a laugh after watching his brother throw a long and hard pass that knocked the wind out of his 12 year old self when his cell phone rang.

_"We aren't on our own anymore, Derek. Don't you understand? It's important that we live or die fighting those metal motherfuckers," Kyle spat. His eyes searched Derek's face for an understanding. Derek could not speak and only provided his brother a mixed expression of awe and jealousy._

_Kyle's shoulders relaxed and he slumped back against the chair he was sitting in. He continued with a more hushed strength in his voice, "I thought a part of me died and gave up when I was in those camps. The idea of escaping was all I could think about, but no one else had the will to...No one else wanted to turn it around. But _he_ did. Connor gave me back something I lost, Derek."_

_"You must understand that whatever Connor wants done is something that needs to be done. If I die, then you should know that it wasn't in vain. Not like it would have been if I had stayed much longer in that camp. Life is choices, Derek. I made my choice. It is up to you to choose if you will go where Connor leads us."_

John Connor's voice spoke into Derek's ear, "Four Fifteen, Oh Seven --Derek, something has come up. Be here in less than an hour."

Derek disconnected the call and looked down at the cell phone in his hand. "This was not exactly what I had in mind, little brother," Derek whispered to himself. He looked up to see himself and Kyle leave the park.

Pressing his hand over his jacket and against the wound, Derek slid from the table top. The park was quiet now. After checking for any signs of danger, which was more of a habit now than probably necessary, Derek laughed at himself. The moment of self-deprivation was quickly lost as Derek remembered why he came here. He looked up at where his younger self and Kyle had been moments before.

"I made my choice, Kyle. I made it the moment you made it clear to me what your choice was. I'll fight Skynet and protect John Connor. I may die for him, but I'll do it for you, Kyle."


End file.
